What to do when your child or young person returns home

When your child or young person returns home emotions will be running high, both of you may be feeling tense and unhappy. At this stage it might not be useful to sit down and talk about the last few hours or days, but be more useful for you all to have some space.

Suggest your child or young person has a shower, or a sleep, or something to eat.  Create time for you to think about how you will listen and talk to your child or young person, it will not help your relationship for you to go on the verbal or physical ‘attack’!

The first conversation you have is going to be hard, your child might be on the defensive convinced you are going to give them a telling off. When listening and talking with your child keep it about them and you and the situation now, not what happened last week/month, or what their friends are doing.  Don’t get into unproductive conversations about whose fault everything is.

Work together to come up with a way forward

• Try making a contract – agree and write down some basic stuff that you can both work towards fulfilling, such as coming in times, bed times, acceptable language, and anything else important to you and your child.
• Discuss if there are things that can be changed and improved such as allowing your child their own bedroom, agreeing to less babysitting, or finding ways they can earn more spending money.
• Don’t be afraid to get other people involved.  For example if the issues why they ran away are related to school, make an appointment to go and see the appropriate person at school.
• Gather information.  For example if your child is involved with drugs or alcohol, find out more about the dangers and learn about them together. There are many organisations that can provide information and support you with this.
• Find some activities that you can participate in together and have some ‘quality’ time such as going to see a film or kicking a ball around in the park.

Be patient and don’t expect all of the above to work like magic; it takes time and effort and will sometimes seem like an uphill struggle.  When it feels like its failing go back to the beginning and start again.

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